Mummy’s Diary: My Supermum

In this article, Gayatri Unsworth takes a break from writing about her motherhood journey to pay tribute to her own mum and say thank you for everything she’s done.

It’s true what they say. You can never truly appreciate your mother until you become one yourself. Since giving birth to my first daughter a little over 6 years ago, I find that I value my mother and everything she has had to go through in life, more and more each day.

If you ever met my mum, Rajes Singam you would very quickly assume that she was given a great start in life. She’s confident, intelligent, well-presented and very successful. Yet, she is all of those things not so much because of what she was provided with, but rather, because of what she built upon with the little she was given.

The highest formal academic qualification my mother has is her O-Level Certificate. My grandfather, though an amazing man in many ways, was traditionally inclined and so, believed that sons were to be educated and daughters were to be married off. As a result my uncles were sent off to the UK to further their studies and my mum, along with her younger sister, were expected to start working straight out of high school whilst my grandfather set about in search for suitable grooms for them.

My mum got married at 20 and had me a year later at 21. She worked as a clerk in the bank and with only a high-school certificate under her belt, it seemed unlikely that she was going to go very far in life.

She was also essentially a single mother as my father travelled frequently and for extended periods. He was also unfortunately not a hands-on-dad / husband who helped out and therefore, even when he wasn’t abroad, it still fell upon my mother to run the household single-handedly.

At the age of 25, my mother had two young children, a mediocre career, a tumultuous marriage and what seemed like a very bleak future.

They were very different people to each other, my parents. Whilst my father was content to live life on a day-to-day basis and worry little about the days and years to come, my mother never stopped thinking about what lay ahead. She wanted better for herself. She wanted more for her children.

She faced so many challenges, often alone, but not once did she let things get to her through those difficult times. She kept going and made many sacrifices and hard decisions like selling her car to raise a deposit for her first apartment. Up until that point, my parents, sister and I had all shared one room in my paternal grandparents’ home. My mum knew she would have to put up with horribly crowded, unreliable public transport for a fair while if she gave up her car but did it anyway to try and build a better future.

My parents’ marriage eventually dissolved and though my dad continued to make significant financial contributions towards the household, my mother was left to pretty much do everything for herself and her daughters on her own. She worked full-time, picked us up once she was done and then came home and continued slaving away. That was her life, day in and day out.

She persevered however and slowly but surely started getting ahead. Despite starting out at such a low level in the bank, 20 years later she was asked to head one of their biggest branches. She went from strength to strength in her career, not once stopping to rest on her laurels. She was well-known amongst her colleagues for being dedicated, professional and very successful at her various roles within the sector.

Despite finances often being tight when I was growing up, my mother somehow managed to plan ahead so well, that along with the contributions my father made, she was able to put both my sister and I through university abroad. We were given very comfortable lifestyles and were not once left wanting for anything.

My mother left the banking industry in her late 40s whilst she was at the top of her game to set up a training consultancy which has also attracted great success. She trains both locally and abroad, and receives much recognition for her work from both fellow trainers and participants who attend her programmes.

She has long paid off that first apartment and has since purchased multiple other properties. She is entirely self-sufficient, has a great lifestyle and is very generous to family and friends alike.

Though my mother has achieved much, she has not stopped pushing herself. She’s 56 this year and recently starting swimming lessons to try and overcome one of her biggest fears. She can now swim without any aids. She travels far and wide and often tries to learn new things.

I have watched my mum persevere all my life and not once stop to complain or feel sorry for herself. I’ve witnessed her endure some extremely difficult situations and still wake up the next day, ready to get on with whatever needed doing.

She’s taken the very little she was given and turned it into an amazing life for herself and by extension, my sister and I. She could have complained endlessly about her circumstances but she never did. She just carried on moving forward, day after day after day.

We have our ups and downs no doubt, our moments of her being a feisty confident mum and me being an equally feisty, confident daughter but through it all one thing remains – my admiration for my mother and the insurmountable respect I have for the sort of life experiences she’s had.

I can’t remember my mum sleeping or eating or resting when we were young but I always had a full tummy, nice clothes and a clean environment. Whatever I asked for, she endeavoured to give and whatever I needed, she found a way to provide.

As a mother with two young daughters of my own, I know how demanding and tiring motherhood can be. Despite having a very supportive, loving and helpful husband, there are still many days where I am absolutely exhausted, so I can only imagine how much harder it must have been for my mum. I don’t think I could have made many of the hard decisions she made or survived those difficult times with as much grace, courage and conviction as she displayed.

I have a really happy, blessed life today and I owe a big part of it to my mother for the great start she gave me and the many contributions she has made to my journey along the way.

I love you mum and from the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything.