Teaching Tots Social Skills

As babies grow into toddlers, parents will find themselves prompting their little ones to mix with others and start making some friends. Parents naturally would love to see their children have fun with other little kids and hone their social skills from as young as possible. Some parents will gleefully find that their offspring are little social butterflies, so to speak, and seem to take to other kids like a ballerina to her tutus. Others however, may not be that fortunate and may have to contend with painfully shy bubs who’d rather spend the afternoon safely shielded behind mum’s skirt. Still others may be faced with little babes who just can’t comprehend how to ‘play nice’.

The term “terrible twos’ was probably coined by parents whose little tots drove them up the wall with their tantrums, crankiness and their inability to get along with other kids. Chances are it’s a phase which they will outgrow in time. In the meantime, here are some ideas on how to handle social issues among tiny tots.

Resist labeling your little one!

Don’t label your child or let others label them as “shy”, as children often live up to the labels we give them. Instead, say “No, she’s not shy, she just hasn’t been here before” or “She just likes to watch for a while first. She’ll play when she’s ready.”

Painfully shy tot

It is quite a dilemma to watch other little kids running around in a play group and having fun with their peers while your own tot just watches and refuse to join in. Experts have always agreed that every child is different in his or her own way when it comes to social skills. Some take to new experiences and new friends easily without issues while others may need more time to absorb everything before taking part in anything.

Many parents find themselves resorting to comparing their child’s behaviours with other little children. Don’t! Your toddler doesn’t deserve that. As every child processes new experiences in their own way and pace, your child’s ‘faults’ as you see them may well be just natural inclinations of his or her own personal character.

The world can sometimes be a scary place for little ones. While we as adults have usually learned how to cope in a room full of strangers, children have no idea how to and those who you see make friends very easily are most probably naturally wired that way!

Many toddlers depend on their parents to teach them what they’re expected to do in a social situation. So, try giving specific prompts, such as “Do you want to ask Liana to come into the ball pit with you?” Or, “Your friends are going, say goodbye!”

The last thing a little one needs is to be pressured into being a socialite. Instead, offer reassurance and praises when they do play and talk with others.

Having trouble playing nice

Toddlers generally aren’t a rough lot when it comes to playing with others their age. However, some parents may find that their little one tends to hit, shove, kick or bite other kids. Yes, it’s every parent’s nightmare to see or hear of their kid behaving in such a way. Although it’s unpleasant for the parents of both children involved, experts agree that you don’t always have to intervene. “Sometimes children will sort it out themselves, that’s how they learn how to behave.”

Keep in mind that apprehending or punishing bad behaviour doesn’t teach a young child anything as well as rewarding good behaviour does. Look for opportunities to say things like: “You’re such a good boy, sharing your toy with Alex” and “I like the way you’re doing that puzzle together.”

However, if your child’s behavior gets out of hand, or someone’s been hurt, you must intervene! Remember though to keep calm and collected, for a dramatic reaction will only make things worse. Explain the problem (your child may not realise there is one):

“You’ve hurt Rachel. See how sad you’ve made her now? It’s not okay to hit people.”

Be ahead of the game! Before the next playdate, remind your little one what to do if he wants a turn – he could ask for a go, or play with something else in the meantime. If he doesn’t like what the other child is doing, instead of pushing them away he can hold up his hand and say: “No, I don’t like it.”

No interest in making friends

While most parents would definitely love to see their toddlers happily making friends, do note that solitary play is quite normal for toddlers too. Many toddlers prefer to play alone at least some of the time. Sometimes, little children just need to spend time alone and have space for themselves, just like adults sometimes do. At other times, it could just be that they are preoccupied with something that’s deeply intriguing in or they’re concentrating on building their toy tower and would rather not be disturbed.

However, if your child is suddenly less interested in playing with other kids than they used to be, that could be a worry. “Any sudden change in behaviour is something that needs to be looked at, just as it’s a concern if a child has zero interest in pretend play or other children by age three, and doesn’t play cooperatively by age four.

Helping little loners play with others

Playing alone needs to be balanced with playing with others so your child learns to make friends. Try arranging more one-on-one play dates lasting 45 minutes to an hour rather than drawn-out, big group activities.