Real Time Connection: A Parent’s Perspective

In this article, Jasbir Kaur talks about the importance of believing that enough is OK and staying connected.

It was a tempestuous year that taught me a lot about life, people and karma. It churned me to be a little better and wiser too, or so I would like to believe. It showed me the importance of being present and to appreciate all the good I have in my life – health, environment, wealth, people and animals.

The most valuable lesson I learned was to appreciate everything that I had in my life, be it the good or bad. To be thankful and to be present. To be grateful for each day even if I dreaded it and wished it to end soon.

I learned to accept people for who they are and accept their way of life, no matter how different or weird it may seem to me. I learned to be, just me and not to change in anyone else’s company because if any change was necessary, it would be me faking it.

It Took Two Deaths

Seeing the amount people, from near and far, that stepped up to offer support at my mother-in-law’s funeral was an eye opener. Flashbacks of a funeral long ago began playing in my mind. I remember seeing as many people for my dad’s funeral too but I was too young to understand the significance of it, I do today.

Both my dad and mom-in-law must have been very good community people to receive such an overwhelming send off at their funeral or was it that people in the past were more connected than the generation now?

Erase and Rewind

I had become so preoccupied with my little life that I have close to none whom I can count on. My world had narrowed and shrunk that it consists only of a handful of people because I had grown so comfortable in my little world and found it very easy to turn people down.

I thought I would become the greatest mother ever, by placing all of me – every one of my waking moments – into looking after my children’s needs and wants. My children became my priority and I’d turned down requests and invitations for weddings, reunions, dinners, parties or meet-ups because these inconvenienced the setting’s in my new world. I was quick to excuse myself from some me-time, whenever an invitation to gather interfered with my children’s nap time, play time, feeding time, school, music lessons and so much more. I had grown accustomed to my new mundane routine life and I liked what I had and was too lazy to make any changes to it.

I turned into one of the desperate housewives who craved for some connection other than my virtual connection and I realised I had my mothering all wrong. Although the past cannot be erased or replayed, a lot can be learned from it and I am grateful that I did, sooner than later.

There’s Always a Rainbow After the Storm

Everyday is an opportunity to try out something new and that is what I tend to do but in my case it is not about making new resolution because it is a new year. It is more about amending and improving my past resolutions. Resolutions that got swept under the rug when I tried to become a supermom.

It starts with believing enough is OK. I never really was a go-getter, chasing after the best in everything but without me knowing it, I became that in my mothering journey – always trying to ensure that my children get the best meals, a spick-and-span home, and safe environment, just to name a few.

The kids are happier now that we are going out more often, meeting more people and learning new stuff. They did not turn into little gremlins just because they missed their nap or food was served a little late. Or that their clothes are still in the laundry basket and they have to wear their pyjamas, all day long. Children are amazing! They adapt so much easier compared to adults. They have proven to me, that they will survive even if I leave them for a couple of hours so I can sort myself out.

They are adapting while I am connecting, face to face, with other people. Feeling people’s emotions, laughters and sorrow in real time, without any delay or buffering. I am doing it the old-school way, how it was and should be and it has been good. I am slowly building my own (real) community, the way my dad and mom in law stayed connected with their community.

I am not erasing my past, I am simply rewinding it and adding a few more important details to it. Details which I had forgotten in these past years.