If you’re expecting your second child, congratulations! Life’s fun with more kids for sure. However, if you are worried about how your first born will adapt to having a new sibling around, your concerns are totally valid and normal.

Depending on how old your child is, here are some of their most likely reactions and how you can address them effectively:

If Your Older Child is Under 2 Years:

Possible reaction: They may not be aware that life as they knew it has changed. The grief of no longer being the baby of the family may show up as jealousy and tantrums once the baby grows mobile and starts taking the older child’s things.

How to address it: Make sure to spend some time alone daily with your older child. Even a 20-minute bedtime story, and consistent hugs and smiles whenever you see your toddler walking into the room will reassure her that she still has a special spot in your heart. Do not plead with your child when she wants to be held but your hands are busy with the baby. Instead invite her to cuddle up to you and baby and promise to hug her once you’re done with nursing the infant.

If Your Older Child is between 2 to 3 years:

Possible reaction: Once the glow and wonder of the new baby is gone, your older child may turn clingy and whiny and even ferociously jealous. They may want to be babied again e.g. be nursed again and sleeping with you even though they have been happily sleeping in their own bed for weeks. They are torn between wanting to a baby and craving for independence.

How to address it: Talk to your child about what he is feeling e.g. “You seem to want to be a baby again.” Invite him to pretend to behave like a baby for a while just to see what it’s like. You’ll both have a good laugh and he’ll start to see how funny and silly it is. It’ll help him move on from his sadness better.

It’s also good to start the new schedule months before the baby arrives so that the older child won’t associate the new changes with the baby. You can shorten the bedti

me routines and ask the father to take over some rituals that you can no longer do once the baby arrives. Remember not to use the baby as an excuse for negative changes to the daily routines, to avoid resentful feelings.

If Your Older Child is between 4 to 6 years:

Possible reaction: Your kid may even be craving to have a younger sibling and as such, will be more welcoming and understanding. They have better coping mechanisms and wouldn’t mind sharing their toys, waiting for their turn and even being kicked by the baby as long as you take time to explain that the baby did not do it on purpose. They also have their own friends, school and outside activities, so you are not her whole world. However, you must still give her the attention she needs, or she will feel left out and kick up a fuss.

How to address it: Spend as much one-on-one time with your older child and leave baby behind with his father whenever possible. Listen to her whenever she complains about the ways the baby is irritating her and emphatise with her. Show her that you’re on her side, too.

If Your Older Child is between 7 to 8 years:

Possible reaction: They may not want to express too much of what they are feeling. However, jealousy may translate to unsavoury behavior such as rudeness, rebelliousness and not caring about the baby at all.

How to address it: If they are not communicative in the day, try snuggling with them a few minutes before bed time daily. Ask him questions about what he remembers about being the only kid in the family and how different he feels now. If he shares that he feels jealous, reassure him that you love him and ask how you can help him feel it. Share your own jealous feelings about your sibling if possible. Involve him to come alongside you when caring for the baby, but don’t burden him the task of a babysitter as it’ll be too much of a burden for him.

With time and experience, you’ll learn how to assure your child that you still love them and accept them without minimising their feelings. Cheer them on when they are being caring towards the baby. If you’re in need of further advice, talk to a friend who has older kids or your paediatrician.

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