Dealing with Sexual Dysfunctions – a Guide for Older Men (and their wives)

Ageing is a natural process, but to some extent, it still manages to take people by surprise. General understanding states that men have a more difficult time than women adapting to the changes imposed by age. This goes back to a 1996 article published in Geriatric Nursing that said that “Research has shown that men generally have a harder time in adjusting to the changes [of ageing]. Conditioned throughout their lives to be strong, controlling, and independent, men can be devastated by the losses that are associated with ageing.”

May that statement from 20 years ago still be accurate or not, the fact is that ageing can be quite a challenge for anybody, regardless of their sex. Bodies change, social and professional responsibilities change as well and it is perfectly normal to experience some level of worry or anxiety regarding this matter.

However, there is one subject that is usually considered taboo when it comes to older people, and that is sexual activity and sexual dysfunctions. Research has shown that, indeed, the tendency for the sexual activity is to decrease with age, even though age-related changes are not necessarily preventing sexual activity. Still, here we reached to the most sensitive point regarding the sex life of an ageing male: sexual dysfunctions.

 

What are sexual dysfunctions?

Sexual dysfunctions are those phenomena that occur and that disrupt the normal sexual pattern between partners. Many times, the cause of sexual dysfunctions is related to or augmented by several other factors, besides normal ageing. Most commonly, the causes regard the lifestyle or can have a psychosocial or psychiatric basis, such as anxiety or depression. Ageing-related changes together with these additional factors, that are also more prevalent in older people, can, indeed, lead to various sexual dysfunctions.

So, let’s see which are the more common sexual complaints and how do they manifest:

Low sex drive

Low sex drive or the lack of libido is most often associated with various psychological reasons rather than physical impediments. Anxiety, a detrimental physical status that may or may not be related to ageing, the relationship between partners, including unresolved issues, or most importantly, communication issues are the most common factors that lead to the loss of sexual desire. Of course, other age-related comorbidities, especially if the man in cause has a history of smoking, alcohol consumption or a sedentary lifestyle can aggravate this condition.

Low libido can also be associated with too low levels of testosterone, which naturally occur when ageing. However, this becomes a problem only if the levels of testosterone drop under a certain limit, in which case a physician would usually diagnose the problem as a medical condition and propose the right treatment.

Erectile dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction is defined as an inability to have or to sustain an erection for long enough to have a satisfactory intercourse in at least 50% of the attempts to engage in sexual activities. Just like in the case of low libido, erectile dysfunctions most often occur on a background of psychological stress, and it is not excluded to be another “side-effect” of low sex drive per say.

However, for a man who suddenly starts experiencing this condition, it could also be a warning sign regarding other more important health issues. Erectile dysfunctions, especially in ageing males, are often associated with cardiovascular diseases, diabetes mellitus, hypertension or even neurological disorders. It is not excluded that some specific medication recommended for other health problems might induce this unpleasant side-effect, but this is usually mentioned by the doctor recommending such medications.

Premature ejaculation

Next to the two already mentioned sexual dysfunctions, the other most common problem in bed is premature ejaculation. This condition is defined as the incapacity to delay ejaculation, which happens very soon after or even before the intercourse is initiated. However, in contrast to the other two most common examples of sexual dysfunction, this one does not appear more often in older men, but it seems to have the same frequency for all age categories.

Unfortunately, premature ejaculation is also one of the least diagnosed sexual dysfunctions, despite the fact that there are effective treatments for it. It is not yet clear if this happens because clinicians overlook it or because patients simply don’t mention it. Most probably, it is a combination of both.

An interesting thing to notice is that premature ejaculation is usually followed by feelings of frustration and distress, which are also, most of the time, at the basis of this condition. It’s really like running in a circle of anxiety that… boosts your anxiety!

How can you fight sexual dysfunctions?

So, after all this talk about sexual dysfunctions, what are the solutions out there? It is obvious that ageing males (ageing people, in general) should enjoy and benefit from a healthy sexual life. And solutions exist, some of them even being a lot simpler than one may expect. Probably, the best first step would be to talk and share your problems with your partner or spouse, if you are ever faced with such issues. Many times, an open and sincere discussion can work wonders. Good communication or, better said, the lack of good communication is at the root base of many problems in bed, including sexual dysfunctions.

Apart from this, trying to meditate or to make healthier lifestyle choices could have a beneficial effect on your sex life by minimizing the effects of ageing, if you consider this to be an important part of the problem. You could start by quitting bad habits such as smoking, drinking too much alcohol or having too many sleepless nights and, instead, eat healthier and do more physical exercise.

And last, but definitely not least, for any persistent problem regarding any type of sexual dysfunction you should see your physician. There might be more serious underlying health issues that you are not even aware of and treating them could solve the other problems too.

The truth is, ageing can be a challenge both on the physical and the emotional level for either men and women. But, to follow the advice Dr. Susan Nolen Hoeksema, a noted Yale professor of psychology, gave in Psychology Today: “Old age is not just about surviving, it’s about flourishing”. Solutions do exist, if you are only willing to look for them.